So I'm feeling better tonight while wandering around tblog I stumbled upon some great blogs. I checked out links, played in quizland, and made dark poetry. I posted it all in my Dead Journal.
After being morbid and twisted I feel considerably better. Though I think I'm going to post one of the poems here, imprisoned turned out rather well.
:( Well I survived the ornaments going on the tree. I carefully hide all the painful ones and just left the others out. The kids finished putting them up tonight. I just stayed out of the way while they did it. They seemed to think its great, I want it in the trash. I had hoped that i would get passed all this. I managed to heal from loosing my Grandfather (who played my dad) and my Aunt. It was really hard to let them all go, they were who raised me. My grandmother was my world, and i remember the day my world stopped. I remember the call, I can still here it play over and over in my mind. I can see her in the casket it seems so unreal. I can remember my 3 year old daughter tried to get in and go with her so she wouldn't be lonely. I can see the rest of the people their acting like it was just some hassle to be here. I didn't cry...I couldn't. I wanted to scream and rant and make her come back. I wasn't ready to do this life on my own. Eleven years latter i'm still not. There are so many things I want to share with her. So many moments I wanted her to be with me. So much that I needed her advice to get through. How do i heal it? When does it get easier? my kids asked me what i wanted for christmas, i didn't know was my answer. That's a lie. I want to wake up and find her here. I want her back.
Ok so this was supposed to be where I tracked my addiction of yarn, but my soul is heavy. It's been 11 years since she left my life and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I opened that box that held her ornaments and all I could think was they didn't belong here. Those belong on her tree not mine. My kids don't understand why i avoid putting up the tree every year. How do I look at them and explain that i would rather be dead and have her alive and those ornaments on her tree?
:( I keep looking at these projects awaiting my attention, not one of them seems interesting. I know that when I bought the yarn I was dying to get my hands on it. I wanted to start right then and there. I had more ideas for the yarn than I could possibly accomplish with the amount that I purchased. So where did the thrill go?? Why, oh why, did it loose it's thrill?? I still want those items, I just want them to be done NOW.
It's amazing how much yarn is spread across my livingroom and diningroom. :shock: It appears as if a yarn factory exploded, its a good thing my husband doesn't care. As long as he can find his computer the rest of it is meaningless. The kids have learned to move it with care so no stitches are dropped. The cats have decided it's not worth incurring the wrath to mess with it.
Maybe after I wake up a bit more I will find some interest in a project.
Being the yarn floozie I am I have more than one project going. Though I must say it isn't as bad as it could be.
I have a sock started, a whole 3 rows of ribbing. But the self-stripping yarn is beautiful!!! It's made by Regia the color i picked was called ocean. I'm using a pattern out of Interweave Knits the Fall 2000 issue. Priscilla's Dream Socks- they gave you a chart so no matter the yarn or your gauge you can make these socks. The first pair I did came out a bit big even though I matched gauge so I went down a needle size and plan on knitting for a few inches and trying it on. I'm not sure whether its a yarn problem or a me having trouble with double point needles. Time will tell and if i must rip so be it.
There is a beautiful lace shawl sitting in my tapestry box waiting for me. I'm using merino wool the really thin lace weight and a pattern out of my book on traditional shawls. I think it was called the Kerry Blue Shawl though mine will be black. I have about 40 of the 170 rows done. It doesn't sound to bad that way, yet I know that I add 8 stitches every other row. It comes out to be about 700 stitches on the row that starts the border. A border which I am going to change. I adore the ocean wave border and think it would look stunning so I'm going to tackle it. Yes that's right I am insane.
I also have a prayer shawl laying in a box with maybe 8 inches of forever done. I came across the pattern somewhere on-line and fell in love. It uses those lovely puffy thick yarns that knit up pretty quick. Though light n lofty knits up faster since i can use bigger needles. Anyway its a lovely varigated yarn in blues and greens. I would tell you the name but i have a guest asleep on the couch and all my stuff is in there.
I also have 13 stars to make so I can finish an american flag throw that I made for Yule. Then the joy of sewing them on. gggrrrrr :evil: The good thing is I won't have to bother with it until next yule and then I'm done with the last one. For the record if your husband has 3 brothers don't give them anything special or unique it starts a fight or demands for the same item next year.
I have yarn sitting around for a BUB (big ugly blanket). I haven't been looking forward to doing it since I've been having trouble with carpel tunnel trying to set in. That's what i get for 17 years of crocheting. So while the Chiro works on it i avoid the hooks.
Currently I think that's all the stuff either being done or sitting around. Though I have a large amount of yarn sitting around that my mom brought me that was mis-ordered or mis-sent to her store and they were going to throw away since the company didn't want it back. The draw back is its not colors I would normally pick. I never left the goth phase so cream pastels and baby yarn are a bit of a problem to use. I don't know any one who I want to torture so they sit rotting on my porch. :?
I'm not sure that I'm happy with the look of things, but what can you expect at 5:20 AM? I decided that I needed a place to carry on about whatever project is going at the moment. May hap it will give a chance to meet up with other knitters. :?
I'm sure eventually I will manage to get the post time and mine to actually line up. It took me a bit to get my other journal working so I shouldn't expect miracles.
